Tesla Shareholder Meeting: Musk's Pay Package Approved – What We Know

Alright, so the sycophants over at Tesla decided to throw a freakin' trillion-dollar parade for Elon Musk. Again. I mean, didn't we already do this song and dance? And didn't some judge already call BS on the whole charade?

The Cult of Personality Prevails

Apparently, reality doesn't matter when you're dealing with a cult of personality. We're talking about a guy who openly admits he needs "strong influence" to build his "robot army." Let's unpack that for a second. "Robot army"? Is this dude running a car company or plotting world domination? Oh wait, same thing, right?

Tesla chair Robyn Denholm, bless her heart, actually warned shareholders that Musk might LEAVE if he doesn't get his way. "Tesla would lose significant value without Musk," she bleats. Seriously? Is Tesla a company or a hostage situation? It's like saying Apple would collapse without Tim Cook... which, let's be real, might actually be true, but you're not supposed to SAY it out loud.

And Counterpoint Global, whoever the hell they are, claims Tesla has "achieved incredible fundamental success and shareholder returns" under Musk. Okay, sure, the stock went up. But at what cost? The guy's running like five different companies, spouting off insane conspiracy theories on Xitter, and generally acting like a Bond villain. Is that really "success"?

The Florida State Board of Administration offers "strong support," because offcourse they do. Probably got some sweet tax breaks lined up.

The Voices of Reason (Drowned Out)

Now, let's talk about the few sane voices in the room. Norges Bank Investment Management, managing Norway’s sovereign wealth fund, voted against it. Smart move. They're "concerned about the award, dilution and lack of mitigation of key person risk." Translation: This is a ridiculously huge payout that screws everyone else over and makes the company completely dependent on one guy's whims.

CalPERS (California Public Employees’ Retirement System) also voted against it, calling the deal larger than executive payment plans at other firms "by many orders of magnitude." You think? A trillion dollars could solve a lot of actual problems, like, I don't know, maybe funding public education or something. But nah, let's give it to the richest guy in the world so he can build more rockets and tweet more nonsense.

Musk, of course, called Glass Lewis and ISS "corporate terrorists" for daring to question his divine right to wealth. Real classy, Elon.

Here's the thing that really grinds my gears: He told analysts he wouldn’t “feel comfortable building [Tesla’s] robot army if I don’t have at least a strong influence.” So, it's blackmail, plain and simple. “Give me what I want, or no robot butlers for anyone!”

And the shareholders bought it. Hook, line, and sinker. According to Elon Musk expected to prevail in Tesla shareholder vote over CEO’s $1 trillion pay plan, the vote was expected to go in Musk's favor.

I'm starting to think the whole "self-driving" thing is just a smokescreen. If Tesla can't even build a reliable door handle, what makes anyone think they can create a fully autonomous vehicle? Oh, right, Elon said they could. My bad.

Wait, are we actually supposed to believe that people are still buying Teslas in droves? I thought everyone was wising up to the fact that they're overpriced, overhyped, and driven by a guy who seems increasingly unhinged.

Are We Living in a Simulation?

So, here we are. Tesla shareholders, against all reason, handed Elon Musk a blank check for a trillion dollars. The world's richest man gets even richer, while the rest of us struggle to pay rent and afford groceries. It's enough to make you think the whole damn thing is rigged. I mean, ain't that the truth?

Then again, maybe I'm just jealous. Maybe I should start a company, promise everyone the moon, and then demand a trillion-dollar payout for "innovating."

Give Me a Break...

It's official: we're living in a clown world.