Denny's $620 Million Deal: So, What Now?

Denny's Goes Private? More Like Denny's Bails Out

Okay, so Denny's is going private. Big deal. Another "iconic" American brand getting swallowed up by the soulless void of private equity. You know, the kind that strips assets, fires employees, and then flips the carcass for a quick buck.

TriArtisan Capital Advisors, Treville Capital, and Yadav Enterprises are the vultures circling the Denny's carcass. TriArtisan owns P.F. Chang's and TGI Friday's. Friday's...now there's a depressing thought. Remember when that place was actually kinda fun? Now it's just overpriced mozzarella sticks and existential dread. Yadav Enterprises owns a bunch of franchises, including Denny's already. So basically, it's just consolidating power.

The "American Dream" – Yeah, Right

Rohit Manocha from TriArtisan calls Denny's "an iconic piece of the American dream." Oh, give me a break. The American Dream is supposed to be about hard work and opportunity, not leveraged buyouts and shareholder value. What's iconic about a greasy spoon that smells faintly of desperation and stale coffee? I mean, I love a good Grand Slam as much as the next guy, but let's not get carried away.

They're paying shareholders $6.25 a share, a 52% premium. Denny's shares jumped. Good for them, I guess. But what about the employees? The waitresses who've been slinging hash for 30 years? Are they getting a golden parachute? Doubtful.

And Kelli Valade, Denny's CEO, claims they "contacted over 40 potential buyers and received multiple offers." Translation: they were desperate to unload this thing. But hey, she says the board thinks this deal is "in the best interest of shareholders and the best path forward for the company." Offcourse, she did. She probably got a sweet bonus out of it.

Denny's has been struggling, no doubt. Delivery apps, healthier options... the world is changing, and Denny's is stuck in the Eisenhower era. They planned to close 150 locations last fall. 88 restaurants were shuttered in 2024. Another 70 to 90 gone in 2025. All those jobs...poof. Denny's to go private in $620 million deal for the 72-year-old breakfast chain.

The Ovitz Connection

And Michael Ovitz is involved? The Michael Ovitz? The guy who basically invented the modern Hollywood talent agency? What does he know about running a diner chain? Or maybe that's exactly why he's involved. Hollywood accounting is probably less shady than whatever these private equity guys are cooking up.

I wonder if they'll change anything? Will they try to "modernize" Denny's? Maybe add avocado toast and kale smoothies to the menu? Please, no. That's not why people go to Denny's. People go to Denny's for comfort food, for a cheap meal at 3 AM, for a taste of something familiar in a world that's constantly changing.

But let's be real, that’s not going to happen. They’ll probably just cut costs, raise prices, and squeeze every last drop of profit out of the place until it's a shell of its former self. It's the circle of life, capitalist style.

First Quarter 2026 – Mark Your Calendars

The deal is supposed to close in the first quarter of 2026. So, we have a little over a year to enjoy Denny's in its current, slightly-rundown glory. After that...who knows? Maybe they'll rebrand it as "Denny's 2.0: The Algorithm Edition," where your breakfast is chosen by AI based on your social media activity. Or maybe I'm just being cynical. Nah.

So, What's Really Cooking?

This ain't about saving Denny's. It's about making a quick buck for a few already-rich guys. The "American Dream" they're selling? It's just a marketing slogan, a greasy lie served up with a side of hash browns and false hope.